Jordan's space

A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.

- Anonymous (or at least not known to me)

Ingredients:
1 whole turkey
1 large lemon, cut into halves
salt and pepper to taste
butter or olive oil, whichever you prefer
Heat oven to 350 degrees
Rub butter or oil over the skin of the turkey until it is completely coated.
Sprinkle with salt and pepper and any other seasonings you prefer.
Take a knife and gently separate the skin from the breast meat;
Slide lemon halves under the skin with the peel side up, one on each side. This way the
juice from the lemon will release into the breasts.
Cover and bake for 30-45 minutes. Remove cover and continue to roast until juices run clear, basting every 15-20 minutes.

So here's the story of The First Time I Got Run Over By a Car.  To get the full effect, you have to sing it to yourself to the tune of Alice's Restaurant. 

Okay, so I was riding my bike down the sidewalk.  I make a habit of riding my bike places.  I need the exercise, since I have a desk job, and I just like being outside and being active.  And the grocery store is just around the corner.  Plus, people drive way too much.  Now, that's kind of a necessity in most of Houston, but not in my neighborhood when I just want to go around the corner to the store to get an onion.  So I usually bike to the store to get onions.

No, this one time going to the store - no, I'd gone to the store and I was coming back, that's it.  So I'd gone to the store and got my onion, and I was on my way back.  And as I was on my way back, I was biking down the sidewalk and saw a truck pulling out of the parking lot.  Now, I figured she'd seen me too, since she slowed down and stopped, but it seems she didn't since she started going again.  Then it was my turn to slow down and stop.  But by that time, we was pretty close, and we was both goin', and her goin' and my goin' just gone gone too fast to do anything but go together. 

Well the next bit happened a little too fast for me to rightly remember, but I remember it little, so I'll tell you a little.  So I remember something hitting something, but whether it was me hitting her or her hitting me I can't rightly remember neither.  What I can rightly remember is that I swung the handlebars over at the last second to make sure I hit with my shoulder, and the handlebar tore a nice big hole in her fender.  And she'd turned her wheel to try to avoid hitting me (which we're at this point still not sure was the case, but just follow along here).  Now her turning wheel caught my leg, and took it around or something, and that wound up hurting a little.  But by that time, I'd finished hitting her (though we're still not sure if that's the way it happened either, but you're still following along, right?). 

So it turned out that things happened the way they normally happen when someone gets hit by a motor vehicle.  Namely, that person (namely, me!) went flyin' in the air.  And I remember the bein' in the air part pretty clearly, since that part seemed to happen pretty slow.  Unfortunately, not a whole lot happened while I was in the air.  It was too soon for things to really be hurtin' much, and I had a pretty nice view of the world wheeling around me, so I just kinda floated up there and enjoyed it for ... well not too long.  But I eventually started comin' back down from it, as most things do when they get knocked up in the air.  And by this time, I'd done about one complete revolution in the air.  I figure that was enough, since I'd seen pretty much everything around me, and I was rememberin' so fast that I was pretty much the only thing movin'.

I came back down - as I said, things that get knocked up in the air tend to do that - and landed on my backside.  But I'd been pretty high up, so I come down pretty hard.  But I didn't come down too hard, which as you'll soon see gets kind of important.  I guess you could say I come down just hard enough.  So I came down on my backside, which is fairly good paddin' but not very springy.  And I needed some padding and spring, because, as I said above, I come down from pretty high up.  But I also had my back handy, which is pretty good at being both a spring and a lever.  Now, things were happening too fast for me to really think that through at the time, but it makes me sound pretty smart now, so I just threw it in there you see?  Well when I was done using up the padding in my backside, I rolled out on my back.  And I reckon my back was springy enough to finish out the catchin' me, because when I was done with my back, I was about done comin' down.  And that was good, because at the end of my back is my head.  And my head isn't padded or springy, and hitting that on the street would have hurt a little more.

Now you may be wonderin' what everyone else was doing while I was busy spending half the day up in the air.  Well I'll tell you, I didn't really care at the time.  I can guess, since I know what they were doin' after I come on down, but I don't really care now neither.  But I do know that by the time I finished comin' on down, everything else was stopped.  So I just took a minute to relish the idea of laying spread out in the middle of the busy street while everyone was stopped.  And then I realized that they was probably stopped for me.  About that time, a couple of people had run up and were hollering and shouting really fast, but I didn't pay them no attention because, as I said, I was busy relishing the idea of laying in a busy street.  And then I realized that they was probably shouting for me. 

With all the stoppin' and shoutin' and the like, I figured I better do something to get things back to normal.  So I went and got myself up, and shook the dirt off me.  If you've never laid down in the middle of a busy street, you may not realize how dirty they are, but they get pretty dirty.  Trust me, I did it once, as I'm now telling you, and I'll tell you that it's pretty dirty and I don't recommend you do it.  So I dusted myself off as I said, and looked at the people around me.  There were some cars around me too, but I paid less attention to them than the people.  And there was one guy who seemed to be pretty in control who wasn't screaming or being frantic, and I decided I liked him.  Then there was a lady that was really frantic, and she looked pretty familiar.  So I stood there freshly dusted off but still in the middle of the street and thought about that for a moment.  Then I realized she looked pretty familiar because I'd just seen her, through the windshield of the truck that had just finished hitting me.  I decided I didn't really like her as much as the guy. 

We sat and talked and the lady calmed down, and the guy stayed calm, and I caught my breath - I guess I sort of lost my breath when I was flying through the air.  We decided that we'd both just go our separate ways and not even worry about each other's names.  I guess in today's society it's too easy to drag someone else into court, and while I wasn't feeling especially friendly right then, I didn't feel like going to court either of my own free will or otherwise.  Well we said all we needed to say, and the guy I decided I liked offered to take me and my bike home in his conveniently placed pickup truck.  Right then and there, I decided I liked him even more.  It had turned out that I got a little scrape on my leg from the wheel of the truck - that is, the truck that hit me, not the one that was going to take me home.  And my bike had its front wheel pretty well mangled by the truck - again, the truck that hit me, not the one that was going to take me home.  I figured that neither walking nor biking home would be much fun.  And then that guy I liked offered me a ride home and I gladly accepted. 

I went on home then, and I guess the lady didn't go much of anywhere for a while.  She tried to move her truck, but I hit her wheel pretty hard - did we decide if I hit her or if she hit me yet?  Well one of us hit the other hard enough that the wheel didn't really work right, so she had to get it towed to a shop.  And I don't know what she told the shop, because I'm sure they wondered if there were some poor biking guy she hit and they wanted to know if he were dead in a ditch somewhere.  And I'm not dead in a ditch, as the fact that I'm writing this long rambly story should attest, but I guess there's no way for them to have known that then.

Well as I said, I went on home then, and I doctored myself up.  And it really didn't take too much doctorin', cause I was in pretty good shape all things considered.  I mean, I'd just destroyed a half ton pickup truck without much but my body.  In fact, I was feeling pretty proud of myself by then.  At least, until I put some rubbing alcohol on the scrape on my leg.  I felt pretty awful for a while after that.  Then I put some non-rubbing alcohol in my mouth, and I felt a whole lot better.  And then I took some pills - mind you, nothing I couldn't have bought back at the grocery store along with my onion.  But they were pills, so I figure I ought to mention it.  And after I took those pills, things stopped aching so much, so I sat down and rested.

And then I remembered that I'd lost track of that poor onion while I was busy floating in the air and looking all around me, and had to go get another one.  And I got some more pills while I was at it.

And that there is the story of how I got hit by a car the first time.  I hope you enjoy singing it to yourself as much as I enjoyed writing it.  I really did write it just for you, and it passed an hour of early morning work.  Or sitting at my desk waiting for work to come in.  I really hope it doesn't take you an hour to read it either.

I really like you. I do. You're so nice, and sweet, and you listen to all my problems and respond with the appropriate compliments. But, well, I don't really see a relationship in our future. It would be terrible if we let sex destroy this great friendship we have where I get everything I want and you get nothing you want. Don't you think?
I knew you would understand. You always do.
We're so perfect as friends, you know? I can tell you anything, and you know you can always come to me anytime you need to hear me bitch about work or how ugly I feel. You wouldn't want to ruin a friendship like that just so you could be my boyfriend, and have me look at you with desire and longing in my eyes, if only once—would you? Of course not. Well, if we started dating, it would only complicate this wonderful setup I've got going here.
It's just…you're like my best friend, and I would hate for something you desperately want to change that. I mean, sure, we could go on some dates, maybe mess around a little and finally validate the six years you've spent languishing in this platonic nightmare, but then what? How could we ever go back to the way we were, where I take advantage of your clear attraction to me so I can have someone at my beck and call? That part of our friendship means so much to me.
No. We are just destined to be really, really good friends who only hang out when I don't have a boyfriend, but still need male attention to boost my fragile and all-consuming ego.
Anything can happen once you bring romance in. Think about how awful my last relationship was at the end, remember? The guy I'd call you crying about at 3 a.m. because he wouldn't answer my texts? The guy I met at the birthday party you threw me? I had insanely passionate sex with him for four months and now we don't even talk anymore. God, I would die if something like that happened to us.
Plus, ick, can you even imagine getting naked in front of each other? I've known you so long, you're more like a brother that I've drunkenly made out with twice and never mentioned again. It'd be way too weird. And if we did, then whenever you'd come shopping with me, or go to one of my performances or charity events, or take me for ice cream when I've had a bad day at work, you'd be looking at me like, "I've seen her breasts." God, I can't think of anything more awkward that that.
Oh, before I forget, my mom says hi.
Anyway, you would totally hate me as your girlfriend. I'd be all needy and dramatic and slowly growing to love you. If I was your girlfriend, I would never be able to tell you all about the other asshole guys I date and pretend I don't see how much it crushes you. Let's never lose that. That's what makes us us.
Don't worry. You're so funny and smart and amazing, any girl but me would be lucky to date you. You'll find someone, I know it. And when you do, I'll be right by your side to suddenly become all flirty and affectionate with you in front of her, until she grows jealous and won't believe it when you say we're just friends. But when she dumps you, that's just what we'll be.
Best friends. Friends forever.

It’s been too long since the last substantial update, and they’re still missing some important bug fixes and necessary additions.

Bug fixes:
WLS loses my saved sign in information when it encounters any connectivity issue.

Necessary features:
Eliminate the 20k file limit: I had more than 20k pictures when you first increased the limit.  Get it started at near 100k, work up from there.
Programmatic folder addition: I have to manually set up every folder every time I reimage a computer.  BS.  There needs to be a way to do this with at least a registry edit, if not a command line option.
Common folder sync options: in the options dialog, there should be a tab with check boxes for “pictures”, “music”, “favorites”, “documents” etc.  Check the box, it syncs that folder in your profile with the corresponding folder on skydrive (or at least with every other WLS client).
Skydrive sync support: I know it’s coming, but I want to stop hearing excuses or a total lack of communication.  Just get it done.

Fin rant.